Why Visitors Come Back?
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Why do visitors come back?
Tom Bandy
My name is Tom Bandy, and I am consulting with leaders of the Presbyterian Church of Hamilton in strategic planning. I encourage your prayers and reflections as the church thinks strategically about the future.
Do you know why visitors come back to church? Many churches track first, second, and even third time visitors in order to follow up with welcome and help. Today it often takes over five or six visits before a newcomer decides to be a regular adherent, and year or more before they decide to become a member. Only about 10% of first-time visitors to a church come back a second time, and only a handful eventually become regular adherents.
The research is surprising. Visitors tend to decide whether or not to return to a church a second time within five minutes of entering the building! Their decision is not based on denominational loyalty, worship style or music, or any particular preacher or program. It is based on their immediate impression of the behavior of church people as they gather.
Of course, most churches try to place friendly greeters at the door and create welcoming spaces for people to gather before worship. But visitors don’t pay that much attention to the formalities. They pay attention to the informalities … how church members are spontaneously interacting with each other, with leaders, with strangers, with children, with seniors, with teenagers, with people of color, with women, with well dressed people and poorly dressed people, with people for whom English is not their primary language … and on and on. The behavior they look for is usually tied to the lifestyle each visitor lives in the community.
This spontaneous behavior reveals the core values of a church. A core value is a positive, predictable behavior pattern that church members model spontaneously, automatically, and consistently. The spontaneous deed and unrehearsed word always reveal the truth about an organization. A core value is not what church people say or think about themselves … it is what outsiders see and describe about church people. For example, every church says (and really believes) that they are a friendly church. Yet the one of top reasons people choose not to participate in a church is that they experience them to be exclusive and judgmental. So a core value is not how we think we behave, or even how we want to behave. It is about how we really behave.
And visitors can see that in the first five minutes. They take it all in. They listen and watch, taste the coffee and eavesdrop on conversations, look at the pictures and scan the bulletin boards, and generally observe how church people spontaneously react to their presence.
The same is true for on-line church participation. A surfer who connects with a church website and streaming worship video will usually decide within the first five minutes whether or not they will change the channel. And it is not based on style or slogans, or flash and entertainment value. It is based on what they perceive to be the core values – the real church identity. They will then decide if the church is a good place, a safe place, a positive place, to hang out.
St. Paul defined positive core values as the “Fruits of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:19). Wherever you see people behaving lovingly, joyfully, peacefully, patiently, kindly, gently, generously, faithfully, and practicing self-control and social responsibility … that is where the Spirit of the Lord is. But even if almost everyone consistently behaves that way, it only takes one person behaving meanly, disparagingly, angrily, impatiently, judgmentally, fractiously, and out of control to undermine the credibility, safety, and trustworthiness of the church.
Some visitors will give a church a second chance, and maybe a few will give it a third chance. They know that even the best people make mistakes. And if they see clear evidence of accountability that corrects bad behavior and reinforces good behavior, they may hang in there. But most first time visitors will never return.
Remember … when it comes to first impressions it is not what programs you offer but how you behave that matters.
Let’s go beyond first impressions.
What causes visitors to stay and stick with a church is their perception of your bedrock beliefs. A bedrock belief is not a dogma, doctrine, creed, denominational tradition, ideological policy, or any formal declaration of what you think you believe or ought to believe. A bedrock belief is the deep-down faith conviction to which church members automatically and consistently turn for strength in times of trouble. That’s what seekers seek today! What is it about their faith that makes them strong when a loved one dies, when they are told they have cancer, when they lose their job, when the economy goes bust, when the country falls apart, or when life gets hard?
The reason visitors become adherents is that they want to share in what you’ve got. It’s also the reason why surfers stick with your streaming video worship. They may tell you that they stay because they like the music and preaching, but it is the message and not the style and oratory that really matters. They may tell you they agree with some church policy, ideology, or tradition, but they can find people to agree with anywhere. They don’t need the church for that. What they can’t find anywhere else is a good reason not to give up. They want to be with people who don’t give up … and they want a good reason to hope for a better tomorrow.
They say: “Don’t tell me what to think. Show me how to be strong! Don’t ask me to memorize creeds. Give me confidence in God’s grace.” And that confidence is not revealed in a well-rehearsed sermon or liturgical rite. It is revealed in the automatic, spontaneous, consistent words and deeds of church members. When visitors shake hands with the greeter, they may ask about a program or a preacher; when ushers guide them to their seats, they may comment on the pretty stained glass or lovely music. But what they really want to ask is this: “When you lost your job and couldn’t afford the rent; and when you go sick and respirators were keeping you alive, what scriptures did you repeat to yourself? What hymns did you sing to yourself? What assurances do you give your children? What symbols do you clasp tightly in your hands?”
My whole life has been spent among churches, as pastor, planter, denominational leader, theological teacher, consultant and coach. I’ve walked beside many a hospital gurney as a church member is being wheeled into surgery, and observed their lips moving in silent speech. Do I hear them saying over and over again: “I believe the world was created in seven days? I believe in evolution?” Do they repeat over an over again “I love organ music? I believe that children are the future of the church?” No, they are clutching a cross and saying over and again “The Lord is my Shepherd!”
This is the foundation of all church growth today. Our consultation will explore worship design, program adjustments, leadership training, team building, and many things that will help your church grow in numbers and impact the community. But without this foundation of trust, this clear and accountable consensus about core values and bedrock beliefs, none of that will matter.
Some church people are quite clear about what behavior they dislike in others, and what religious ideas they do not believe. But they resent anyone calling them to a higher standard of behavior and a tongue-tied to share their faith. But I find that most Christians have embedded core values and bedrock beliefs … but have never really thought about it or held themselves accountable for it. But it is there nevertheless … deep in your soul. Now is the time to bring what is deep in your soul to the light of day. Say it. Mean it. Show it. Do it. That is the mantra of a growing church. I invite you to pray about this and talk about this in the weeks ahead during our consultation together.